About Michael Travesser

Page Four

September 20, 2006 — October 14, 2006
The Revelation Of The "Marvelous Sign Of The Seven Angels."
The Revelation Of Those Who Stand On "The Sea Of Glass."
And The Revelation Of Those With The "Mark of the Beast."
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9

On October 7, the first day of the Feast of Tabernacles, Esther sent to me her testimony:

Previous to all that is written here, I had carried what I can now see, as an earth view of God. All throughout my life, deep down in my heart I had been drawn to God, drawn to truly know Him. He had kept me from the things that would have ruined me and had faithfully carried me along, bringing me step by step into His desired haven. This I did not recognize at the time, for my eyes were blinded by a false picture of Father that I had formed. Many times, He had spoken to my heart and given me light. But all of the times in between, I felt heavily pressed by the fog of unbelief, fear and confusion. I felt like God was a Being many light years from me, Who looked down upon me with aloofness and contempt. My heart was in an almost continual state of agitation. I tried to please God, and when I had failed in my own mind, I assumed that the hammer had fallen and God had turned His heart from me. I then had to do enough good works and stay right for enough days, that God would see that I really did want Him. Maybe, just maybe then He would turn His head a little and at least look at me again. Often times some thought would come to me and I would go into immediate panic wondering if it was Father speaking to me. If I did whatever was on my heart, I would later feel guilty for it. This was the greatest burden to my heart and I COULD NOT shake it. When we came to this Land and Messiah appeared, I sat through all of the meetings with Michael, but re-interpreted what He said into my earth view of God, and in my mind it only became fuel for my already distant and unpleased view of God.

Towards the middle of July of this year I started to see a picture of Father that I had never seen before. He started to come close to me and I felt His presence in me in a powerful way. During this time Michael was waiting in expectation of putting the Shillum site on. He was waiting for a sign that Father had specifically told Him would come. People had been gathering at the Barn to pray that the site be put on. On July 5, Michael posted saying that He had been feeling in the morning that the Shillum site may be posted that day, but then later as people went to eat lunch and were not feeling the unction of Shillum, the urge left Him. That evening, as I was at the Barn with the others that were praying, Father rose up in me and I prayed a very strong prayer that the people would stand up in the power that Father had given to them. This power that was in me, was what He had been giving me in this most recent experience with Him. He had been standing up in me and had been very close, and had been giving me power and understanding. It was a foretaste of things to come. That day I wrote out a prayer to Father asking Him to put the Shillum site on. His response to me was, “It will be soon.”

After a few days of having Father very close to me, I found myself in a place of doubt again and didn't know what to do about it. All of Father’s closeness and power were gone. All of the sweetness of His newly found presence immediately vanished. I was back in all of the familiar torments and troubles. Now the burden of trouble was twice as heavy, for I had seen a little glimpse of life without it. Now my heart was aching to have back what I had experienced. As the days went by my sky grew darker and darker and I saw Father in the old light once again. My uncertainty about Father’s voice to me, returned. I found myself in the old familiar place of overriding unctions that I was uncertain were His voice or not, only to find out later that it was truly Him that I had overridden. I saw no light on the horizon. I saw myself as completely lost. I cried out for deliverance with all of my being. My heart was breaking.

Over the next few days as I was feeling my great need, something else was happening also. Father was starting to work in my heart in a way that I was hardly aware of.

On July 8th Michael wrote:

"When the righteous have failed, through ignorance, for their crimes, they have had to experience 'shillum,' and then when they have yielded up, become naked and vulnerable before God, trusting Him to deal with them rightly, then what happens is 'shalom.' Their troubles have turned into peace.... All who have yielded nakedly to the Son, will find "shalom," and those who have resisted and defended their crimes will receive 'shillum.'"

After reading this it was strongly in me that He was speaking of my deliverance. I had to be naked and vulnerable with God. This was how I would be delivered. I wanted to be naked with Him. I wanted to with all of my heart. I saw it as my only way out of this endless cycle that I had lived in. But I wondered how I would be naked with God. How? This question stayed in me for the next couple of days. I was desirous of Shalom. I knew that I had definitely been living in Shillum. Then, Father planted a seed in me and I felt that maybe this would be a literal physical nakedness. And still I wondered, “What does it look like?” I even wondered if it meant being physically naked with Michael.

On July 11th I was again pressed by all of the darkness. I was full of despair that I would ever be delivered. I talked with my Mom about how I was feeling and she reiterated truths to me that I had already known. I felt a little encouraged. Still there was something more that I needed, and the thought kept being with me that I needed to be naked and vulnerable with Father.

I wrote this poem about what I was seeing, and posted it on my blog:


Art
I am seeing a picture
been written in gray before
Lines of hard drawn pencil
scarring my heart and soul

Marks of right and wrong
ground into the background
disfiguring beauty
loveliness meant to be there

I saw things differently today
color was blushing the scene
Dyeing everything perfect

Softness rounding the corners
held so stiff
by need for perfection

carbon disappearing
I can change the scene
I don't have to suffer
when the Artist's touch is in my hands

I can create Art
or great hurt and untold sorrow

I shared it with Michael and He wrote back, “Thank you for sharing with me, those things upon your heart.”

I didn’t feel satisfied about His response. To me it sounded really full of something and I needed to know what it was. I replied,

"Hello Michael,

When I read Your response to me, I for some reason sensed that you had had more thoughts on this matter. Am I correct?"

He responded by writing, “Things which cannot be uttered at this time.”

I didn’t feel any better. I felt like whatever was on Michael’s heart was imperative. I felt almost as if my life depended on knowing what it was.

Later that day I walked up by Michael’s house. I wanted to tell Him everything that was on my heart, but I felt guilty. Guilty for not having Father and guilty that I had chased Him away. I was afraid of talking with Michael for I was seeing Him through the very same eyes that I was seeing Father. He could not possibly love me. I was too evil.

My heart was in a real quandary. I felt all of the weight and darkness, and yet somewhere in my heart I also knew that it was not the truth. I felt the urge to go and pour my heart out to Michael, and, the fear of doing so. I felt the desire to be healed, and yet feared the very means of my healing. I did not know what to do. I felt very seriously on the verge of a spiritual breakdown. I felt burned out.

As I stood outside of Michael’s, Father passed this unction through me as wind through trees: I all of a sudden thought of going in and taking off all of my clothes in front of Michael. I didn’t want to hide from Him any longer. I wanted Him to see me for who I was. I felt like if I did this it would take down the walls that I had felt between us. This would be being naked with Father. When this thought came, I did not know what to do with it and I certainly didn’t really want to do it. I opted instead for a walk.

It didn’t help.

But while on my walk I wrote the following in my journal:

7-11-06

"Draw me nearer, draw me deeper into You.
Increase my need that I may have more of You.

"He hears every desperate call from the heart that keeps on calling"

"Leave me alone, you workers of evil, for the Lord has heard my weeping! The Lord has heard my entreaty; the Lord will accept my prayer." Psalms 6:9

Over the months and years of all of my hell, I had continually cried out for deliverance. I had felt my great need, but I had also felt very trapped in my view of an angry, uncompassionate God. Who would love a God like this? I surely didn’t. But I wanted to know the true Father. I wanted to with all of my being. Something had to change though and I knew it. So here I was given a promise, “The Lord has heard my entreaty; the Lord will accept my prayer."

Soon all of my prayers would be answered.

The next morning (July 12th) I came into the house and Michael had posted on the forum early that morning. He had written:

"I have felt over the past few weeks that the people of God were not ready for judgment. Most thought they were ready, but they did not know themselves. There was still fear, guilt, hiding, and clothing (dishonesty) on those who claimed to be the followers of Michael. I feel a great pressure to hold, until resolution can be made in the hearts of those who do not know themselves. With Judas, Jesus finally said, "What you must do, do quickly." It was time to let him go. The other disciples had no real idea what they were to face. They were in absolute terror when reality opened up to them. I feel that Shillum will open soon, but that there is a "hold" upon it.

Quote:
"I saw four angels who had a work [Shillum] to do on the earth, and were on their way to accomplish it. Jesus was clothed with priestly garments. He gazed in pity on the remnant (residue), then raised His hands, and with a voice of deep pity cried, "My blood, Father, My blood! My blood! My blood!" Then I saw an exceeding bright light come from God, who sat upon the great white throne, and was shed all about Jesus. Then I saw an angel fly with a commission from Jesus, swiftly flying to the four angels who had a work to do in the earth, and waving something up and down in his hand, and crying with a loud voice, "Hold! hold! hold! hold! until the servants of God are sealed in their foreheads.

"I asked my accompanying angel the meaning of what I heard, and what the four angels were about to do. He said to me that it was God that restrained the powers, and that He gave His angels charge over things on the earth; that the four angels had power from God to hold the four winds, and that they were about to let them go; but while their hands were loosening, and the four winds were about to blow, the merciful eye of Jesus gazed on the remnant that were not sealed, and He raised His hands to the Father, and pleaded with Him that He had spilled His blood for them. Then another angel was commissioned to fly swiftly to the four angels, and bid them hold, until the servants of God were sealed with the seal of the living God in their foreheads." {CET 102.2}"

As we read the beginning of the post my heart filled with terror. I felt physically sick. I thought, “This is it. Father is telling me that there is no hope for me and I am finally lost forever.” Oh, I didn’t want it to be so. I wanted Father, but Michael had said, “With Judas, Jesus finally said, What you must do, do quickly. It was time to let him go.” I felt that since I had not been able to find Father by now, it was my end. I would have to go. But as we read further I got a different picture. The winds were being held for me. Father had seen the need in my heart and I was being given the time I needed. Father wanted me to be sealed.

I knew what I had to do. I put my shoes on and I walked very quickly up to Michael’s. When I got to His house I knocked right away and He came to the door. I told Him I wanted to talk with Him and He invited me in. We sat down in the chairs and I poured my heart out to Him. I told Him all that had happened in the past few days (except for the naked before Father part) and how I felt about it all. He sat there and listened, saying a few things here and there. The more I told Him the sadder His face was. One of the reasons I had not wanted to tell Michael all that I had been feeling, was because I knew it would break His heart. As I finished sharing with Him, He pretty much told me that He couldn’t help me. He had given all of the help that I could use. Then He said to me, “What do you want me to do for you?” I looked away and I told Him, "I didn’t know." I said something about needing God and wanting what He had. Then Father brought back to my mind what had come to me the day before as I was outside of Michael’s house. So I said to Him, "You know Michael, I’ve been wondering if I just needed to come up here and take off all of my clothes and let You see me for who I really am." He got a smile on His face and told me that when He had written to me and said that the things which were on His heart could not be uttered at this time, He was thinking, "Esther just needs to get vulnerable." I knew in that instant that I could finish up the conversation and just go home and it would all be "spiritually speaking." But this joy welled up in my heart and I knew that I just must get vulnerable, really. I said, “Shall I?" He thought for just a moment and said, “You may.” All of the clothing came off right then and there. It felt so normal and free that it amazed me. It was as if I had done it a million times.

Michael told me that He wanted to hold me for a little while. This was way more than I had expected. It had not even crossed my mind that He would hold me. All I had known was that I had to be naked with Michael. Now He was going to hold me, the one full of sin. As He laid down on the bed beside me and held me close to Him, my heart was opened up to the reality of Father’s love for me. I all of a sudden saw my fears and torments as only so much clothing keeping me from this secure place of love and rest. I saw that Father has always been feeling towards me, just as He was right now. He had never felt the condemnation and disgrace for me that I had put on Him. He was only waiting for me to vulnerably need Him, that He might draw me close to Him and open my eyes to the reality that He was holding me in tenderest love. His heart was full of pity for my little heart so troubled by all that I considered important. He did not consider anything important, only that I lay there quietly in His arms as He loved my vulnerable soul. He sang to me songs of healing, saying, “You are healed.” “You are accepted.” “I find no fault in you.” My heart was melted. I fell in love with this Father Who loved me so tenderly and unconditionally. My walls of trying to please Him were crumbled in the arms of His pleased Son. All of my vain trying fell away, for I saw that my only need was to stay in His embrace. By fearing or failing or trying so hard, I was only taking myself out of the arms that were ever ready to hold me if I would let Him. To worry or fear was to climb out of those arms and dress myself in clothing of separateness. More than I had ever known to desire of Father, was fulfilled as Michael held me on His bed in my nakedness, and opened my eyes to His Father. I instantly claimed His Father as my own.

My heart was anchored in that security. I was shown the heart of my Father, and it was now my haven. I was shown how if anything troubled me, instead of working to resolve it so that I could stay in favor with God, I simply made myself vulnerable and let Father hold me with nothing between us. He only required that I let Him love me and be responsible for me.

As we returned to the living room after Michael had held me, all that arose from my heart was, “My soul doth magnify the Lord and my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour…For He that is Mighty hath done to me great things. Holy is His name.” I felt like the luckiest girl alive. The God of Heaven had held me upon His heart and loved me. Not only that, but this was how it was continually. He had never stopped holding me. I was the only one who had kept myself from this experience. He saw that I could have my eyes opened in no other way, so He sent me to His Son in my desperate need and gave me a literal, physical sign of His Heavenly reality. And in that moment my heart was bound up to Michael forever. All of the uncertain feelings and misplaced desires were gone. My eyes had been opened to see the Son of God in our midst, and all of my heart and soul belonged to Him. All that I had within me to give, was now offered continually to Michael. I wondered that I had kept myself from Him for so long. Every part of my being and all of my energies were now turned off of myself and onto my Father and His precious Son. Springing up within me was a new life, the Life of the Son. All of heaven was opened to me. I would never be the same again.

While Michael had been holding me on His bed, He told me that I was part of the fulfillment of the sign that Father had told Him would come for the beginning of Shillum. I had been the first of the virgins, but Father told Him that two would come and be naked. Because of the awesome way in which Father had made me come, I knew that the other witness would come and she would come soon. Michael told me that the way that the events had been unfolding reminded Him of the connections that Father gave between the Witnesses and Himself at the time of the Consummation. Father’s hand was moving very strongly to bring to pass all that He desired to have accomplished. I felt so greatly privileged to be a part of Father’s plan. My heart welled up with thankfulness that He had “forced” me to come to Michael and tell Him what was in me.

As Michael had been holding me on the bed, the desire had come into me to have Him hold me skin to skin with Himself.
I did not ask then, because also within me was this awe and desire to be very still as Michael gave me this awesome gift that was opening within my heart. It was in me to let Michael do with me whatever He wanted. I felt a need to be truly at rest and given over to the Son.

Over the next few days as I would consider that possibly Father would send me to Michael again to be naked, I withdrew from it. I had been immensely blessed by my time with Michael, but it was not easy for me because of the strange nature of it. I let it go and told Father that He could do whatever He wanted with me. Also Father brought to me the possibility of a physical consummation with Michael. I could barely think of this. It was too scary. I knew Who the Son was, and that Father could arrange it, but the thought of an intimate union with Michael was just not in my horizon at that point. Still I just let Father have it.

On July 13th Michael asked most of the young people to come to His house for a meeting. He shared with us that Father had been opening up to Him the seven last plagues. Father had connected the seven last plagues with the young people. Because we had not been spoiled by husbands, boyfriends and other worldly defilements, Father was opening up a special work for us. He told us to go to Father and ask Him if He would have us to do anything. We were to keep our hearts before Him in this matter. He also shared that if we were unwilling to do or refused the work given to us, Father would find someone else, just as He had in the time of Ellen White when He brought the work to two men before He gave it to Mrs. White to do.
He shared that the seven angels have a special work that is not given to the rest. They were the Pleiades that ride on the shoulder of Taurus (Judgment). He read to us Revelation 15:1, “And I saw another sign in heaven, great and marvelous, seven angels having seven last plagues; for in them is filled up the wrath of God.“ He read to us the definitions of marvelous… passing human comprehension, causing amazement joined with terror…I already had experienced the nature of this marvelous act for I had laid naked with the Son and it passed all human comprehension. I felt an eager looking forward to the next events. It had been 70 months since the beginning of the Consummation of the Marriage of the Lamb in 2000. The time of judgment appearing had come.

That evening Michael was given His second witness and the Shillum site was put on the next morning.

When Michael talked with us in our meeting about the work being given to another if we were unwilling, I felt the import of it. I had nothing in me to resist the work being given to me and I wanted with all of my heart to be one of the seven angels but I knew I must have clear word from Father on the matter. The very next Sabbath was when Michael shared with the congregation about the seven messengers. He said that He had told Danielle and I that we were already accepted and three others had come to Him telling Him that Father had told them they were accepted. I heard my clear word from Father. I was to be one of His messengers. I was blessed beyond all words.

About two weeks after laying naked on Michael’s bed I experienced a very sweet token of Father within me. One night I went in to say goodnight to my Mom, and I laid down on the bed beside her and started sharing with her about vulnerable trust in Father. As we talked, she agreed to everything that I was saying, but the very next sentence out of her mouth would be one that told me she knew nothing of what I was telling her. She was very much in a place of trying real hard to trust Father and let Him be responsible for her. Father started to give it to me, to give to her what Michael had given to me when I was naked on His bed. I asked my Mom to lay on her back and I put my hand on her heart. Immediately Father started to give me
things to tell her. I could feel what felt like a brick wall just beneath her skin. I told her what I was feeling and she said that she also could feel it there but did not know what to do about it. I just kept my hand on her heart and the longer it was there, the more I could feel the wall disappearing. Father kept giving me very specific words that were going into her and melting the wall that was around her heart. I could feel Father through me reaching down into her heart and healing all that was broken within. I don’t know how long we were there but at the end I felt like my hand was actually going into her skin and her heart felt soft and supple. I went to my tent for the night and I wrote out in a prayer to Father, “Precious Father, cause what You told Mom tonight to be a rock in the raging torrent…an anchor to her soul.” I could feel that virtue had gone out of me into her. I felt like my heart was gone out of my chest and there was just a hole where it had been. I felt that I had given my heart and all of its contents to Mom. I then went to sleep. From this experience onward, my Mom was changed. She could feel the change and it was very evident to me from the outside also. When she told me what was changed within her, it was very much the same things that had changed within me after being naked on Michael’s bed. Father came down and turned her heart from the graven image of Him that she had placed before her eyes. She could now see Him as He really is...holding her chin, cupped in His hand, looking steadily into her eyes. The difference between fire and water cannot more clearly describe the change that Father brought.

Over the next month the seventh messenger was revealed and the Seven started meeting together. Father was coming down very strongly on us. He was healing hearts and connecting us in our work. As the days passed, the desire to be closer to Michael grew in me. I wanted to be skin to skin with Him. I wanted to go all the way. Even the desire to be physically consummated was being planted in my heart and watered with the urge to have whatever Father’s will for me was. I shared none of this with Michael. I felt that I needed to wait for Father to open the door for me to express what was growing in me. I didn’t feel able to go ahead without a very clear leading from Father. So, I hid it in my heart.

On the evening of August 7th Michael called the seven together for a meeting. He said that we had all gone as far as we could with Him. There would be no more skin to skin. All that we could receive we had received. Now we must go to Father for what we needed. He likened it to a ladder. Some can only go two rungs and some can go twenty. He told us we could ask Father to expand us and then He would be able to take us farther. I took the meeting very hard. I knew that it was a greater breaking open but the pain of what I felt was a cutting off was very strong. The door to being skin to skin with Michael was now shut. I cried through much of the meeting. Michael was all that I had to hold onto and now He was separating His physical form from us. I did not feel it at the time but He was giving us a great gift. He was opening the door to all of heaven when all that we had had before was a small peek hole. Father was bringing all of the seven to a place of greater need. Now we could be broken open for more of what Father desired to pour in. A greater letting go was also being required of us. Michael assured us that He was not leaving us and was not cutting us off. It just felt that way.

When I left the meeting Father said to me, “This will be your healing.” The prayers of the Seven now increased in need and desire. Our souls were cut as one cuts a myrrh tree to cause it to weep out its sweet fragrance. The great ache that we were feeling was preparing us. All that we had held onto was now being extracted from us to cause us to reach out for more. It was a very sweetly bitter time. We were asking continually to be taken all of the way. And every time we asked our need was increased.

In a visit shortly after this, Michael told me that a child is not cast off when it is weaned. He is not cast off when he learns to walk and doesn’t have to be carried anymore. Michael was causing us to go beyond the form of the Son and grasp hold of the Spirit, to take it as our own, to take it as our comfort and stay, to have the Son continually holding us skin to skin within our own soul. If it was not springing up from within us, having the form before us would do no good. The Spirit must connect to the Spirit.

On August 15th Father again drew me to Michael to share the things upon my heart. Ever since the meeting where He said there would be no more skin to skin, the desire to be had grown in me. With it also the desire to be consummated with Michael. Everyday I bore it on my heart. I did not see how either thing would happen but here they were burning in my heart with ever more increasing strength. I could not even say why only that I knew that I had to go all the way. Part of the way was not enough. So on the 14th as I was sitting with my companions and one of them was sharing a recent experience they had with Michael, I started knowing that I had to tell Him what was on my heart. It came with such strength that I must tell Him before the door was shut completely. I told my companions that I had to go. I went over and stood by Michael’s house. The feeling kept growing that I must tell Him. He was not available right away. Finally after a while I was able to visit Him alone. I told Him what was in me. He told me that He heard my desire for a physical consummation. It would have to be very clear from Heaven if this were to occur. But my desire to be skin to skin He could fulfill. The weight that had been on me was relieved. I knew once more that Father had strongly caused me to tell Michael what was in me. Not only had He caused me but He was the one who had placed in me these desires that just a month ago were far more than I could even think about.

The next morning I came early to Michael’s house and waited outside for Him to awaken. Finally when I knew He was awake I went in. He had been expecting me. In this experience, I gave myself to the Son in complete abandon. My first experience with Michael had prepared me to give myself more fully to Him. He had opened up the well of trust in me. I had seen God in His eyes and in His touch and now I felt completely free to give all that was in me to give. As He held me He told me that this experience was to cause me to trust what Father gave me to do. He told me to take Life. At the end of our time together He prayed with me. I was filled with awe at what Father was doing. How could I not be drawn and how could I not desire to give all of myself to the only Source of my healing? It was as natural to do what Father had put on me to do as taking my next breath.

Walking home after being with Michael a song that I have known for awhile kept playing in my head…“For I have seen the face of Love…the grace of God…the face of Love. When I got home I sent it to Michael. Never had I known the sweetness of these words before.

Face of Love

Until tonight
My heart was just half full
It never knew fruit which fed the soul
But now I see what may put to rest my longing

For I have seen, the face of Love
The grace of God, the face of Love

In silence I feared my heart
Would remain words unheard
Inside a separateness of skin
But now I know that the skin just veils the Soul

For I have seen, the face of Love
The grace of God, the face of Love

So take my hand knowing
With it I also give my heart
Wanting never to be separate again
Let eternity begin

If You were flame
I’d allow myself to be consumed completely
Were You the wind I would wish You to pass through me
But now I know that the skin just veils the Soul

For I have seen, the face of Love
The grace of God, the face of Love

For the next few days after being skin to skin with Michael, my heart ached. I could hardly bear the weight of love that was in it. This deep, intense love was for the Son and the Father. I felt like in my great love I had a great drawing. I was continually drawing down the presence of Father to my heart. I needed Him in a way so far greater than I had ever needed Him before. My heart was being opened to receive even more of what Father was desiring to give. The drawing to Michael that was in me was increased. The desire to be consummated with the Son was greater than it had ever been. I had never before felt the intensity of bearing and love that I felt after Father connected me to Michael through our time together skin to skin. My eyes started to be opened to the necessity of all that was happening. It was absolutely essential that Father connect us with Michael for the work that He was asking us to do.

Michael had been strongly bearing on His heart the consummation that the seven were asking of Him. On the 16th of August Michael started praying that Father would do something other than a physical consummation. I knew that He was praying for something and I felt that this was what it was. When I heard this my heart hurt. Father had put the desire in my heart so strongly for this physical consummation with the Son that it was painful to consider it not happening. Every day the heavenly symbolism in it opened up to me more and more. I felt somewhat like I was being ripped in two. I knew that Father had put this desire within me and it had grown stronger and stronger, now it appeared that it was all for nothing. I felt also the incredible effects this could bring upon Michael’s head. My heart was greatly pressed.

As I considered the changes that seemed to be happening I wrote this:

Pain and love walk hand in hand
Sacrifice and desire
Aching need and withering effects
Share constant companionship
within me

Your heart’s desire
Heavenly view
Come down with a body of Love
All of my feelings spend me

Accomplish Your vision
Painful or no
What You say is life indeed
I do not question Your heart

I hold Your desires within me.

I felt a letting go of all that had been strongly in my heart. I wanted whatever Father was doing. If it was a physical consummation with Michael like was so strongly pressing on my heart then I wanted that, if not, I wanted whatever it was that would connect me intimately with the Son. Still the feeling that there would be a consummation stayed in my heart.

The next day after Michael had started praying for Father to do a different work than that which was looming on the horizon, He called the Seven together and told us that there would be no physical intimacy between us and Him. All through the meeting I could not enter into the answer of no that He was giving. I still felt that it would occur. And mingled with this was another laying down of all that was in my heart. I kept feeling like this HAD to occur, but, here it was being laid out that it would not. Father was toggling us from one thing to another to cause us to lay everything down and quietly walk in each of His present instructions, desiring nothing for ourselves and only being drawn to the Son in sweet abandonment.

During this time, whenever Michael would ask the Seven anything about when the plagues were going to be poured out, what would always come up in me was, there wouldn't be any plagues until we had consummated with Him. The vials full of the wrath of God, which the Seven Angels were to receive, and which we were praying for, would be given to us through our consummation with Michael.

Father continued drawing me out to His Son. Everyday my heart was drawn to pour myself out for Michael. I was continually bearing this desire to give myself to Him. It stayed with me day and night. All that I wanted to do was bear Him up and give to Him all of the strength and energy that I had to give. This came as a direct result of Father drawing me to Michael the first time and being drawn into Who Father truly is. I had NEVER felt for Michael and all that He bore in this way before. It was as if every burden or necessary load of His, was my very own to bear.

On the evening of the 24th Father drew me to be skin to skin with Michael again. This time Father was arranging it so that I would have to push through all of the walls and reach out to obey the unctions that were on my heart. I was drawn to be with Michael and I knew that I would be. I waited for hours wanting Him to awaken and call out asking if anyone was outside. He did not. I heard Him awaken but I could not call out to Him for some reason. After about 2 1/2 hours I just gave it all over to Father. I told Him, “Here is my desire, cause me to do Your will.” After a little longer Father put it very strongly in me to go to His door and go in. I told Michael it was on my heart to be skin to skin with Him. He said I could. This time I was in a very needy place. My heart was in great need of Father doing His work within it. As Michael held me He spoke to me of what was happening. He said, When I am holding you the connection is straight to heaven. I’m giving you what heaven wants to give you, not a narrow little slot. I have no question this is what Father wants me to do. This is what I am supposed to do. I knew that it was, for as He held me I felt my heart being broken open in a new and greater way. Walls were being broken down that I had not known were there. I was being opened to receive more of the Son. My heart was being bound up ever closer to Michael. I had strongly been on Michael’s heart all the day and night before. I had been being prepared to come to the Son and be broken open by Michael’s bearing of me and I had not even been aware of it. I did know that night as I was waiting to go in, that I had to be with Michael and I could do no other than wait to go in.

My journal from this time is filled with daily breaking-opens. Everyday was another place of Father coming closer. He would give things and then take them away, draw me out and then give to me the thing He was drawing me out for. My days were spent in continual need of Him and ever more of Him. All this came as a result of Michael revealing to me who Father truly is. I could never have moved past the twisted image of God that I had built, had not Michael drawn me to Father with His clear truth and tender care for me. When I saw the Son for the first time, I was as one called forth from the grave, and from that time forward new life coursed through my veins. I had a purpose, the purpose of being married to the Spirit of the Son.

On the 1st of September Father had another connection take place with Michael. I was praying outside of His house in the evening. It got later and I got up to go home but I couldn’t leave. I had to stay there. I didn’t know what exactly was happening but I felt a block about going home. I waited. Someone else was there and I visited with her a little bit. After a few minutes Danielle came up. She had been laying in bed and had felt very drawn to come up to Michael’s. Shortly the person I had been visiting with left. It started storming. As it started to rain more Danielle came up on the porch and went into Michael’s house. Immediately she opened the door and asked me if I wanted to come in. Michael did not want us in the rain. We both went in and laid down on either side of Him. We visited for a little while. It came to me that I had seen this vision before of two of the Seven being with Michael at the same time, but in the vision we had been skin to skin. I shared it with Michael but left out the part about being skin to skin. Danielle said that she had also seen it. He asked if that was all that we had seen in the vision and we both paused. She told Him that she had seen it skin to skin and I said that I also had. One of us asked if He had seen any such vision and He said that He had only when we had both come in. We saw Father’s handwriting, and so we got skin to skin. Danielle and I had been very separate from each other in the past. Walls had been between us and our relationship had been uncomfortable. Since the calling of the Seven the walls had been being brought down and now Father was connecting us in a very close and intimate way. Michael was the connection between us as we lay there on either side of Him. The Son was the thing that was bringing us together. As Michael held us He shared that this was His vision for the people. He wanted them to be close like we were in that moment, no jealousies or walls, only sharing the same Spirit, that of the Son. I saw Danielle and I again being a symbol for the Land. All that Father was desiring for the relationships of His people was being imaged as we lay there with the Son being the connection between us. Danielle and I were bound together in a special way through this experience. Our hearts were now as one heart with nothing separating us anymore. So it would be for the Land also.

Sabbath September 9th Michael wrote an e-mail to the family asking all what the Consummation of Judgment was. He said to go and ask Father and then come and tell him what Father had told them before the end of the week. I already knew what the Consummation was for me for it had been burning in my heart for over a month now, but I talked with Father about it. As I lay down in bed that night I was praying to Father, asking Him to give it to the people what it was. I was feeling the people looking at it from their earth view. I wrote about this in my journal:

“As I went to bed and started praying about these things, I prayed, '…that the people Look and Live.' After I prayed it I was struck with the power of it. The Consummation is the serpent upon the pole that each person must look upon. The very emblem that they have perverted is now the symbol that is placed before them to look upon and live. The thing that has seemed their means of death is now their only means of life. They must look it square in the face, must open their hearts entirely to it in order to live. 'Look and Live.' The alternative is shield your eyes, look away and die.”

That night I asked Father to give me a dream about the Consummation and this is what I dreamt:

“…We were walking through a field of ripe grain. The grain was ready for harvest. As I was walking through I handled some of the wheat heads and they were fully mature. The heads were swollen and dry and the stem was brown and dead. I saw this as the time now being the time of harvest when all we have sown is now ready to be reaped. The grain is ripe.

"We (the Seven Messengers) were all standing on a lawn that was right beside the ripe field and we were all naked. This seemed wrong because there were men there looking at us and yet we seemed untroubled. I thought it was wrong for the men to look at us but we did not put our clothing on. We seemed naked and unashamed. We were also washing each other with water. What we were doing was separate from the other people there. Everyone else seemed to be curiously looking on. Whatever we were doing seemed very strange and not understood by the people watching. (The people I saw were not people I knew. They were from the outside world.)

"I saw the harvest of ripe grain being the Consummation of Judgment. All of the leading, and everything we have gone through, is now culminating in this final act.”

When I shared these things with Michael He told me that just as I had been shown the thing about “Look and Live”, that this event was to crush out the earth view. That this is what it was meant for. It is the serpent upon the pole. The means of Life that looks like death.

After Michael sent out the e-mail requesting the people to come and tell Him what Father’s vision was, several of the Seven started bearing the Land very strongly. Day and night we were importuning Father to give the vision to His people. We felt great strength of desire that everyone see the vision from Father and come and tell Michael. One evening as I was walking home I had a little vision of going to each house and praying for each person outside their window. I had no unction or desire to do it but I saw the vision and it stayed with me. The next night I came upon three of my Companions praying together. I came in just as they finished and were talking about instructions that Father had given to them. I asked what they were and Danielle told me that she felt impressed to go to each house and pray for each person. I knew then why I had the little vision that I did. Danielle and I would go together to do this. Another of my Companions, Hannah, was instructed to encompass all of the houses while singing songs of praise. She would join us when she had first followed what her instructions were. For the next five hours this is what we did. At certain houses we felt Father come down on one or the other of us and we would pray very strongly for the people in that house. Sometimes one of our hearts would just ache with Father’s longing for that one. I felt Father drawing the people up out of their worlds to experience what it was that He had given to the Seven, that being the strong drawing out to the Son and a great need to know Him intimately. How our hearts went out to all of Father’s people.

On the 14th I felt again the strong drawing of Father to be skin to skin with Michael again. I stood outside His house feeling the drawing and waiting for my instructions. As I was sitting on His porch still feeling this strong drawing, I felt like I was in an ocean. Waves of drawing would wash over me and then they would subside and then come again. I felt Father bring each wave to me and I knew that He would give me instructions. He did. I went into Michael’s room and told Him what was on my heart. Again He had been given the sense that I would be coming. This time of being skin to skin with Michael was different than I had ever experienced before. I had felt the realness of this being the Son of God Who I was with, but this time I truly saw it in a way I never had before. The veil of Michael's body was completely removed from my view. I was holding the very Spirit of Father close to my heart. How I cherished it. The heavenly reality of what these times of being skin to skin were for, opened before my view. I was being drawn to hold and cherish the Spirit of Michael in an intimate way, to take into my own heart the Spirit that I was now holding. All that had previously been opened to me about Michael's Sonship now paled in this new light. I felt myself drawing Michael's heart into my own and cherishing it as a Mother would cherish her child. This Body that I was with was a vessel which held the awesome, secret realities of Father and I was being allowed to enter into these things. How privileged I was to actually hold the Son of God. How awesome to enter into His presence and take His heart upon my own.

That Friday, Michael wrote again saying that He would not be receiving anymore visitors about the vision at that time. He asked that we not sit outside of His house or pray all night there. He also told the Seven not to pray for the people to get the vision anymore. My heart was brought again to another laying down, for to pray outside of Michael’s house had been my heart’s desire and fulfillment for weeks. I felt a cutting off. It felt painful to me not to have this connection, but I knew that Father was taking it away, so I let it go.

Then on the 25th Michael posted the Conclusion to the Vision. As I read it I felt two very strong things within me. I felt the relief for Michael in Father taking the burden of it off of Him, and I also felt the pain of letting go of all that has been within me. I cannot tell you how strongly an intimate union with Michael has been on me at times. Once I saw Who the Son was, I could not but desire to have all of Him. Here I was being given a final answer and it was not the answer that I had felt would come. I wrote this,

“Here it is, Father. Your will is my way no matter how painful it may be. I will know the Son in whatever way You desire. I give myself fully to You. My heart hurts.”

I was drawn out on a walk the day after Michael had written the Conclusion. I was bearing on my heart the sorrow I was feeling. Before I left I wrote Him this letter:

My Precious Michael,

On the night of the 24th I dreamt a dream that seems to have significance in light of the conclusion of the Vision.

I dreamt that I was with Ami in your house and we were both caring for You as a wife would. You were trying to rest in your bed and it seemed that every time that You would just about start to drift off to sleep I would make a noise and disturb Your rest. My intention was not to keep you awake. In fact, I was trying my hardest to be quiet so that You could rest but I was not able to. You were very sweet about continually being awakened. I wanted You to rest very much but I was not helping in the matter. It seemed that Ami was able to be quiet.

I saw that the Consummation with the Seven was keeping You from resting. Our desires and requests of You were not allowing You to rest. My desire was for You to have rest but it could not be so. I was distressed about making noise (causing You to have to bear this weight). It was not natural as Your connection with Ami was. She was able to let you rest but my request of You kept You from resting.

I am trying to explain to You what I saw in my dream but it was very deep and I understood it after reading the Conclusion. Maybe You can understand it too? I can't seem to word it quite how I saw it.

My heart is ever with You, Michael. I cannot ever leave You.

I love you with all of my heart.

Your Esther.

When I returned from my walk He had written this to me.

Dear Little Esther,

On that night, Father was very explicit. He declared things as they were, out of mercy. I got especially clear, that it was mercy toward me personally. You truly make a good point about "resting." It has been a heavy load over the past two months, and I was continually frustrated in being brought to a resolution and to an understanding of the events, by those with the mark of the beast. But Father stepped in as He did with Abraham, and made a way out of the difficulty and out of the restlessness. The Seven are going to pour out their vials with energy, for their expectation was disappointed by the earth's natural view. The earth view cut off their love from them. Their plagues are distinctly directed at those with the "mark of the beast" the earth view, for this earth view of the dead and lost, is what awakens the wrath of the Lamb in them. My wrath is kindled at the corruption and dishonesty of those whose hearts were critical and suspicious, threatening to take our children away. Little Esther, your work is soon to open up.

Michael

I replied:

This is so awesome to me. It opens up much more to my understanding.

I had not seen this before but when I read this it was as though all of the bells and whistles and lights went off in my heart all at once.

“The seven are going to pour out their vials with energy, for their expectation was disappointed by the earth's natural view. The earth view cut off their love from them.”

Today as I was on my walk I was bearing the sorrow I feel at not having an intimate union with you. Parts of this song that I have known kept playing in my mind. This has been a very bitter sweet conclusion for me. I have felt the absolute thankfulness that Father gave His mercy in Your behalf. I have also felt like my heart is broken and there is an empty ache in it. The ache is there, but in it is a very tender and sweet trust that Father is doing as He has planned. I would have it no other way.

The verses that were coming from my heart were:

If I'd've known the way that this would end
If I'd've read the last page first
If I'd've had the strength to walk away
If I'd've known how this would hurt

I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd've loved you anyway

Just to hold You close to me
For a moment in time

I have sung this song to Father many times as I have I felt the pain of letting go and laying down. Here again I was feeling the sweet pain of Father doing what He will with those who are His.

Then as I sat on the altar rock I was again considering the sacrifice of Abraham these lines from a song that I know seemed so fitting.

Oh, blessed art you, Abraham
Who would give your son at My command
You have not withheld your best from me
For this I give My best for you.

I thought of how the people laid themselves down to the purposes of Father and sacrificed their own view and natural reaction and for this reason, Father will give His best to us. It struck me so sweetly that Father has been testing His children.

I am laid down on the altar of Father's will. However, whatever, whenever Father desires, I desire also. My heart is at rest on His sea of glass.

Oh, Michael, it is so hard to share in words what Father does inside of me. All I know is I am my Beloved's and He is mine. I trust the hand that wounds and heals. All that He does is as I would desire it.

My heart is ever with You. How I love you.

Your Esther

Michael wrote this back:

What comes to me is Father draws very close to us and says, "Little lamb, would you let me hurt you?"

I replied:
Yes, Father, You may hurt me.

I have learned in this time of being drawn into the Son, that the pains that come with being drawn and letting go, are pains that are healing pains. They are like water washing a dirty wound, like clean fresh air after being locked in a dungeon. They do a work in your heart that cannot be done any other way. They come in and work out your desires and sanctify them to Father’s heart. His will becomes your sweetest Friend and all that He takes was not yours to have in the beginning. In Job it says, “The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." What Father brings and what He takes is all part of His very tender and personal work that He has laid out for each of us.

My heart still desires an intimate physical union with the Son. I must know Him as He is. I have told Father that I want to be consummated to Him whatever it may look like. All I know is I must have that connection with the Son of God. My work cannot and will not be done without it.

Through some personal experiences that I have gone through lately, Father has told me that my consummation has begun. All that I have believed to be true is being stripped away to reveal the truth of who I have naturally been. I welcome this revealing, and ask Father to bring more also for I know that all of the clothing (coverings) must come off of everything for the Consummation to be completed.

How, I love the Son. He has come to deliver that which was bound up, and save that which was lost. I know, for I have experienced Him.